it has been a while..

Everythings been alright, nothing new really. I'm not the same person that i was anymore. i'm broken, and weak. It's been 2 weeks since she said goodbye, even though i have her its not the same. We both know that we're stretching it, and its slowly tearing. I know i love her, but this distance is killing us both. I want her to be happy even if it doesn't include me. Days will go by, and my hold on her will go loose. she's everything i've ever wanted. but it won't happy. School starts in a month, its my junior year maybe this year is my breakthrough. Maybe this year i grow up. maybe i'll find someone for me. maybe maybe maybe.

i promised i wouldn't leave you.
but we both know it's going to happen.

So lovin

she said goodbye, she came back.
how much i adore her, but hurt so much.

she's everything i ever wanted.
but nothing i wished for.

she's hurt me sooooo many times
but i still take her back

shes a fun ride
but im ready to get off

2 weeks without you will hopefully show us the truth
have a good time in michigan

i love you

Love oh what a word.

and it ended with a "I can't do this anymore"
i promised i wouldnt leave.
and i didnt

YOU left.
you'll come back, like you did the last time.
but if you don't i can manage.
i did it the first time you left

I fucking miss you.
and i can say I Love you.
but I'm done this time.

now i know, i'll always be alone.
distance shouldn't matter if you love someone.
i guess you never loved me enough.
but i'll always be there for you.

I didnt listen to what people had to say about you.
i knew people like you.
love blinds people.

TRANSFORMERS.

So last night i watched it, and may i say it's pretty damn good.
It was amazing seriously it was worth the $8.75
All i could really think about was Megan Fox
Wow she's absolutely gorgeous beyond extent.
I'm now addicted to Bumblebee and Optimus Prime. ;D

I'm pale.

So recently i went to san marcos, and i thought perfect time to get a tan. ;D So the first day we go i used tanning oil. and it works :D Im tan as fuckkkkkkkkk well only on my legs and arms but its a start babes! I'm actually looking dark.... I hope it last til winter :P winter is when i get my palest. ahhh its terrible :P

Sloppy kids, Early Morning Movies.

Woke up around 9 ish, then the kids kept on asking for breakfast. So i made them some egg and chorizo with tortillas. They all ate good, then my neice made some kool-aid. It's starting pretty good, i have a low tolerance.....End of story. I've always been alone, minding my own business. I haven't gotten used to all these kids. My 2 sisters and brother are atleast 12 years older than me. Maybe more, so by the time i was around 4 they were all gone. So i grew up as an only child most of the time. I loved it, but i would get lonely, but i never in my life depended on people other than my parents. i want to go home so bad. I miss my bed, my food, dad. I feel my relationship with my dad will get better. He's not hiding anything anymore, i want to come clean on some things that i've done. But we're not there yet. ;D

San Marcos....

Sucks ass when you have nothing to do. I'm sitting contemplating if i should relax, or play with the kids. I really don't like kids at all. They annoy the shit out of me, but they're family. What can i say? Did anyone know I'm a hopeless romantic? I fall to easily for people that say "i love you". It's now a problem, why should i give my best to someone when they're faking it the whole time. I never listen to myself, i never believe i can do something. I have before, but i'm usually the one getting hurt, crying for hours. Lost for days.....I remember when i broke up with someone, i really didnt want too. But i had too. Even though i have someone new, i still think about that relationship and i think about the nights. DAMN. I need my homies at the moment, especially Ram. He's the only dude i trust with everything. ughhhhh, i need to go back to laredo. I'm missing my daddy.

venting and venting.

fuck, i'm just tired of every little shit.
turns out i have a 3 year old brother
and i thought i was my dad's only baby.

my parents lied to me for 3 years,
and everyone knew except for me.
i always wanted a baby brother but
not like that.
he's a cute little fucker but shiiiit.
his name is Victor Manuel. ughhhhhh
he looks like my dad.

it's so fucking disgusting. really.
they told me 2 days before warped.
that's all i thought about.

i had an amazing time, but it wasn't
it wasn't the best time to tell me.

once a cheater always a cheater.